Everyone who has ever wondered how they can get over someone they weren’t even dating, please gather here.
Nowadays, with the rise of talking stages, which, let’s face it, blend into this weird phase where it’s not really a relationship but all the perks are there, and then, when they end for whatever reason, you wonder if you even have the right to be upset or heartbroken over them. And what hurts is the potential that could never be explored.
This article is for those who are absolutely sure things can’t work, either because they are not into you, they are married, they went ghost, or they moved to another town or country.
Reasons why you may have ‘caught feelings’ are because you have been friends for a long time, and you started looking at them a different way. Or maybe people have pointed out how perfect you two would be for each other, and you slowly entertained the idea. Or, stick with me here; you are lonely and want them to fill in a void.
Whatever your reason may be, here is a cross-referenced list of ways to get over someone you never dated.
Minimise contact
Depending on what kind of connection you had in terms of where you knew them from or how often you saw or spoke to them, you may want to consider reducing contact. It will be challenging for reasons only known to you, but even if it is as dire as having a child with this person, you need to quite literally reduce contact.
Don’t stalk their social media accounts
We aren’t even going to talk about why this will be bad for your mental peace or emotional wellness. If you cannot delete or remove them from your contact list or social media platforms, then restrict and/or mute their account. It’s also for you to freely post whatever you wish on your social media. If you are keeping tabs on whether or not they are watching your stories or liking your posts, then you will feel the need to tailor what you share to what you think they’ll like.
Kick their pedestal
Realise that they are also humans. Remove the rose-coloured glasses from your eyes and see them as a regular person. They have their faults, and yes, you overlooked them before, but now is the time to bring them back under the microscope. Admit that their music choice is shit, or that you second-guessed yourself around them, or that they made fun of your dress code.
Surround yourself with good people
If you have liked this person for a minute, chances are your close friends already know about them. So, inform them that you have realised it cannot work out with them and that you’re trying to get over them. Don’t be afraid to go to them whenever you are feeling heartbroken. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you are going through a very challenging time.
Get to know other people
The secret to getting over someone is getting with someone else. No, I am not saying you should use other people as rebounds and be reckless with other people’s hearts and feelings. I am saying you should go out with your friends, go on dates, attend concerts, go watch movies at the cinema, and even take yourself on solo dates.
Stop reminiscing
You will probably stop reading right here, and I wouldn’t blame you. But if you wish to get over them faster, you have to delete all the chats, pictures, and phone logs. And well, if it’s tangible memorabilia like blankets, jerseys, or furniture pieces that you cannot throw away, then store them aside for some time while you heal. It’ll be tempting to reread your old chats or wear their t-shirt to remind yourself of how your connection once was. But to get your mind off them and begin moving forward, you would need to remove anything that will prompt you to think of what could have been.
Time heals
Don’t set a timeline for how fast you should get over them. Some days you’ll be on top of the world, and other days you’ll be picking up the pieces and trying to see a way through. Take the time to grieve and be upset. Don’t compare how quickly somebody else moved on. Everyone is ‘faking it til they make it’.
Depending on how you are wired, people with an anxious attachment style usually fall hard and fast. So don’t beat yourself up over how you feel. Embrace the journey, because this is probably going to happen again. It’s the risk you take for having a good heart.
